siapa aku....

agak lma ak diam je kan...ntahla....lots of thing happens...and sometime i just can't manage to face it....
exam dah lepas,pra klinikal dah lepas...now i'm enjoying my holiday for a month....hahaha...mmg puas la dok kt umah ni....but today this is not i want to talk about...

erm...mngenal diri...ak knl ke dri ak ni....sbnr2 nya ak smpai skg masih blom knl diri ak ni sapa...well,kita mula dri perkara awl...

aku,anak sulong dri 3 adik beradik,stu adik laki dan stu adik prmpuan...hubungan ak dgn adek2 ak kira ok lah...lgpown ak ni bukan jenis byk ckp sgt pown..adik prmpuan ak ni mmg aktif skit,byk cakap n peramah la jgk...adik laki aku ni plak yg pling lmbut hati antra kami tiga org...why i'm saying this...juz wait n continue reading okay...hehehe...dan antara kami bertiga ni ak rsa ak la yg paling degil skali....erm i'm the eldest but i'm acting like a 6 or 7 years old kid....huhuhu...thats what my mom had told me....whatever

about my parent....erm,xtau nk describe cm mane....but i'm not get along very well with them...especially my dad....why???....ak pown xde jwpnnyer...apa yg tau ak mmg xleh dekat dgn dia sbb kami akan gadoh sahaja...huhu...skg ni abah sakit....stroke...hurm...what a big burden to our family..ak btl2 rsa tekannnya...tp even abah dh sakit mcm ni ak still xnk mngalah dgn dia...ak tau dia mmg terasa dgn tingkah laku ak...tp ak mmg xleh nk dekat dgn dia...salah dia...ye ak mmg akn salah kn dia....perangai dia yg dlu wat ak jauh dgn dia,perangai dia dlu wat ak degil,perangai dia dlu wat ak keras hati...xnk cerita betapa teroknya dia dlu dgn ak,penat la...hahaha...tp itulah yg jd skg...i'm not happy with this actually,tp ak xnk mengalah....xnk turun kn ego ak...berdosa...byk dosa ak kt dia...skg ni dia sakit2 pown ak masih boleh buat dia nangis...xsangka kn klu ingt blk perangai dia dlu mcm xpercaya plak ak boleh buat dia nanges...kecewa...ak sendiri kecewa dgn diri ak...tp ntahla,hati ak dh jd sgt keras...ampun kn along abah....

mama...dlu okay..tp sejak abah sakit ni hubungan ak dgn mama dah berubah...ak makin jauh dgn dia...ntahla...ak yg salah atau dia yg salah....ak sndiri pown xtau....ak tau dia dh buat yg terbaek tuk jd ibu pd ak...but for me...ak rsa she failed....i'm sorry to say this....tp dia bknla org yg ak nk cri bila ak sedih,dia bukanla org yg cri bila ak da mslh,dia bukanla org yg ak cri bila ak dtimpa kesusahan atau kesedihan...bukan ak xnk cri tp dia xbersedia tuk itu...kdg2 ak rsa she is not ready yet to become a mother...erm,dlu msa ak dok dlm umah,i means msa ak xdok hostel lg...ak xkesah dgn suma ni...yg penting ak xsusahkn mama n abah...lgpown dri kecik lg i learn how to solve my prob with my own...ak rsa ak xpnh mngadu atau cerita mslh2 ak smada kt umah atau sek...sometime i feel so lonely....tp xkesah sbb ak slalu fikir ak ank sulong so ak kne berdikari dgn cepat...ak kne blaja idop sndiri...hurmmm

bila ak msuk hostel dugaan lg byk...i can't adapt the life inside there...believe me life kt hostel asrama penuh is suckkkk....so suck....mama and abah xphm suma tu...apa yg dorang tau,ak suka mmberontak...ak xpnh luahkan or ceritakan sumanye,bcox i know,they never understand me...so ak stay kt hostel tu about two years...and it felt like at the hell....life ak musnah kt sna...spm hancur...tp xpe,ak still boleh trima...yg paling buat ak kecewa,when she said,"mama kecewa btl dgn result ni"....msa tu ak rsa sedey sgt...kecewa..tp xtau nk luahkn kt sapa....mama yg spatutnya tenangkn ak mnambahkn kecewa ak lg...but its okay...i manage to comfort my self later...but its still hurt till now...

kdg2 mmg ak sedey bila tgk member yg boleh jdkn parent diorg as their friends...knape ak xleh...dorang boleh cerita sumanyer...even hal peribadi....tp bg ak susah sgt....xtau kdg2 nk luahkn kt sapa....

then i know....i may not hav a really good parent,but at least i know,they hav tried...
i may not hav a happy family like others...but i still hav complete family...
and the most important thing that give me more courage to livet his life is....i hav ALLAH...

dear ALLAH,
tlg pegang ak sentiasa,jgn kau lepaskn ak walau sesaat...ak sntiasa memerlukan mu disetiap detik jantungku....

semoga ak teros tabah menempuh hidop ini..... =))